Ever felt completely drained after socializing, even with people you love spending time with?

That’s your social battery running low—and it’s completely normal. But what happens when you need to recharge, yet the guilt of saying no creeps in? Here's how to set boundaries without feeling like the villain in your own story.

Step 1: Recognize Your Limits

Your energy is just as valuable as your time. If you constantly push yourself to be available for others at the expense of your well-being, burnout isn't just a possibility – it's inevitable. Start by learning how to tune in to your social limits. Take some time as a journaling exercise to ask yourself the following questions: 

• How much social interaction feels energizing vs. exhausting? Everyone's capacity for socializing is different. Are you someone who feels recharged by being around others? If so, your capacity for social interaction is likely higher than someone who identifies more as an introvert and needs more alone time to feel like their best self. No answer is the right answer to this question, by the way -- just answer honestly for yourself! 

• Are there specific situations or people that drain me faster than others? Do you have a friend who tends to dump all their stress and problems on you when you get together? Or maybe you feel more drained when talking to people at a certain point in your menstrual cycle (helloooo, luteal phase). Our body has natural rhythms, so it's only natural that our capacity to handle draining people or events will ebb and flow throughout the month, too. 

• What are my early warning signs that I need alone time? For me, I know I need alone time when my anxiety starts creeping up and starts feeling out of my control, like getting irritated at the smallest things my partner does, noticing negative inner dialogue to myself or others, or finding myself constantly checking my phone chasing cheap dopamine hits. Try to notice and examine your thoughts and behaviors so you can identify those signs that signal some alone time is needed. 

Step 2: Give Yourself Permission to Say No

Saying no doesn’t mean you don’t care about people—it means you care about yourself, too. Think about your energy and social battery like a bank account. Every hang, event, dinner, etc. is a withdrawal from your social battery bank. The same way you wouldn't constantly make withdraws from your account without ever making a deposit, you must also prioritize making deposits of alone time for your social battery bank. Learn to reframe this as self-preservation, not selfishness. I promise your friends will almost always be kind and understanding; and if they aren't, they probably aren't the greatest friend(s) to have anyway! Next time you're not feeling up for social time, try these gentle yet firm ways to decline plans:

• “I’d love to, but I really need some downtime to recharge.”

• “I can’t make it this time, but let’s plan something soon!”

• “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed and need a quiet night in. Hope you understand!”

Step 3: Communicate Boundaries Clearly

If people aren’t used to you setting boundaries, they may be offended or push back at first. That’s okay! Remind yourself that it's not your job to control their reactions to your boundaries. Boundaries are important for creating a safe space for yourself; when you neglect your own boundaries, it's an act of self-neglect. When you begin practicing enforcing boundaries, remember that consistency is key. Let them know what to expect:

• “I love our time together, but I’m limiting my social plans to once a week. How does next week work for you?”

• “I don’t have the capacity for a long call, but I can chat for 15 minutes!”

• “Weekends are my time to decompress, so I won’t always be available for last-minute plans. But thank you for inviting me, and please continue doing so in the future!”

Step 4: Set Up Recharge Rituals

I'll reiterate: boundaries aren’t just about saying no; they’re also about creating space for yourself. After you've set your boundaries and identified when and how often you can handle social interactions, it's important to protect your recharging time by:

• Scheduling your alone time like any other commitment. Treat this like any other important appointment. Make it something to look forward to – create a rest and recharge agenda filled with things you love doing and that bring you peace: taking a bubble bath, reading your favorite book, going for a walk with your pup, cooking a homemade meal with soft jazz playing in the background. Romanticize this time with yourself!

• Creating “do not disturb” blocks in your calendar. If you're more the type of person who needs shorter, but more frequent blocks of alone time, consider blocking off specifici times on your daily calendar as do not disturb time. This could be first thing in the morning where you meditate or maybe a night-time ritual where you slowly and gently wind down for bed. The point is to do activities that pour energy back into yourself without the distraction of other people, your phone, the TV, etc. 

• Letting loved ones know in advance when you’ll be unavailable. If you're treating your rest and recharge time as any other calendar appointment, make sure you keep that commitment to yourself and don't sacrifice the time just to accommodate friends or family. Chances are, there is another day or time that works for both of you to reschedule that dinner or coffee date. 

Step 5: Let Go of Guilt

Setting boundaries around social interactions isn't easy, especially if you haven't done it before. I used to be the person who said yes to any and all dates with my girlfriends. But now that I've learned to listen to my body and follow the rhythms of my monthly cycle, I've had to start saying no to things and it was difficult at first to not feel like I was letting people down. So if guilt pops up, remind yourself:

• Resting is productive. You need time to be alone and recharge. If you never make deposits back into your energy bank, you will very quickly hit empty and feel burnt out. 

• Your needs matter just as much as anyone else’s. In fact, I would be bold enough to say that your needs matter more than anyone else's. You absolutely must protect yourself and your energy. If you don't, no one else will. As the saying goes: put your own oxygen mask on first.

• People who truly care about you will respect your boundaries. It may take them a little bit to acclimate to the new you who enforces boundaries and prioritizes yourself above them. But if they truly love and care about you, they will understand and even support you doing what you need to do to be the happiest, healthiest version of you. If they don't or get offended, let them. 

Ultimately, setting boundaries around your social battery isn’t about shutting people out—it’s about making sure you have enough energy to show up as your best self in your life. The more you practice, the more natural it will feel. And trust me, your future, well-rested self will thank you!